My good friend Jane

We all have friends like her.  You know the ones.  Months, years go by, and when you see them again, it’s as if no time has passed.  Kim, whom I met thirteen years ago at a writers’ colony.  Sarah, with whom I used to work in New York City.  Jane, who never ages.

Maybe you know Jane, too.  She lives inside well-worn pages, and recently, again on the screen.  She’s strong and gentle, direct and candid.  She’s the kind of woman you treasure as a friend, the kind of woman you want to be.  She overcame a brutal childhood and enormous disappointment in love, but when she found her happy ending, you felt not cheated by a Hollywood ending or envious or incredulous but bone-deep contentment.

I met Jane Eyre on a Maui beach when I was fourteen.  A family vacation.  My brother body-surfed and skateboarded; my parents sat on the beach for an hour or two, then went inside to play cribbage and make lunch.  I stayed on the beach all day with a tube of Bain de Soleil and a book, checking my watch every 15 minutes to turn on the towel and ensure an even tan.

I read an early Danielle Steele novel that week – I think it was called The Promise – and Jane Eyre.  That combination, right there, tells you a lot about who I was at fourteen (and perhaps who I still am).  Drawn to romance, both high-brow and low-, Gothic and mass-market; trying to figure out how to be in the world.  Not just as Lindsey the person but as Lindsey the woman my body was turning me into.  Tanning in a bikini had something to do with fitting in, as did reading a popular novel.  But my sensibility had always leaned more to windswept moors than to sunny beaches, more to feeling on the fringes than to fitting in, so I’d brought along Jane Eyre too.

The basic story in each book is the same: Poor girl meets wealthy guy.  They fall in love.  Complications ensue, due to guy’s family.  They are separated.  They continue in love. They find their way back to each other.  A template for romantic daydreams, for fantasies of love conquering obstacles, for happy-ever-after.

On the beach that week, I finished off the Steele in a few hours, skimming for sex scenes (of which there weren’t nearly enough), and felt let-down by the happy ending.  The fantasy was fulfilled, but it felt foreign from my own sense of the possible.  However even my tan, I’d never be gorgeous like Steele’s heroine.  And then I turned to Jane.

“Do you think that because I am poor, and plain, I am soulless and heartless?”

Her question comes toward the end of chapter 23, but Jane’s been standing up for herself since page 1.  That week at the beach, she gave me a new way of seeing the possible.  (And no sex scenes necessary.)  Romantic, dramatic, pushed to narrative extreme, yes – but what lofty glory in the speech she makes to Rochester, so full of passion and longing and truth!  She gets her man not by her physical attributes but by her soul, her being, her integrity. When they are separated, it’s not by a manipulative mother-in-law-to-be (as in Steele’s plot), but by human flaw, human fallibility, human weakness.

It breaks her heart, but Jane leaves her man.  She has to.  She lives a less full life, but not an empty one.  She’s lonely but intact.  So when she does go back to him, and finds him blind as a consequence of the afore-mentioned human weakness, she is still Jane.  That’s one reason, I think, the ending feels so right and earned and, despite the Gothic plot, real.

And when I closed the book, one day on the beach many years ago, and every time since, she still is.

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About lindseycrittenden

Lindsey Crittenden is the author of two published books: THE WATER WILL HOLD YOU: A SKEPTIC LEARNS TO PRAY (Harmony Books, 2007) and THE VIEW FROM BELOW, a collection of short stories (Midlist Press, 1999). Her personal essays and articles – on topics such as prayer, the pitfalls of too much California sunshine, and visiting a group of lifers at San Quentin – have appeared in The New York Times, The San Francisco Chronicle Magazine, Image, Real Simple, Bon Appétit, East Bay Express, Health, and Best American Spiritual Writing. Her fiction has won national awards and has appeared in Glimmer Train, Bellingham Review, Quarterly West, and other publications. Born and raised in the San Francisco Bay Area, she graduated from UC Berkeley, moved to New York City as soon as she could, and returned to California for grad school. While in the graduate creative writing program at UC Davis, she discovered (much to her surprise) the fun of teaching. She lives in San Francisco and teaches at UC Berkeley Extension. She has completed a novel, and is writing new short stories and a (very early stages) nonfiction exploration of spirituality & sex.
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6 Responses to My good friend Jane

  1. Meghan Ward says:

    I love Jane Eyre, too. I think I’ve read it two or three times – most recently when interning for a lit class during grad school. I haven’t seen the latest movie (is it out yet? Who’s in it?) I think I saw the one with Charlotte Gainsbourg, who was so perfect for the role. I’ll have to rent the new one once it’s out on DVD.

    • Mia Wasilowska (sp?) plays Jane in the new movie, which has been out for a while. She does a fabulous job — totally believable as Jane. I didn’t even recognize her from Kids Are Alright (her last movie). The actor playing Rochester is very good, too — brooding and believable.

  2. Stephanie says:

    If I understand you, I think I have the same relationship to Elizabeth Bennett. Have read Pride and Prejudice so often that my family and friends tease me about it.

    Your paragraph about the basic story could be used to describe P and P. Elizabeth also get her man not because of her looks but because of her brain, soul, and integrity – a model I really admire. She is willing to admit when she is wrong and she is loyal to her family. I could go on, but you get the gist. She is, as you said, a friend who never ages.

    • I’m not sure why, but I’ve never warmed up to Jane Austen the way I do to Charlotte Bronte. I know I’m in the minority on this (and on not liking Little Women). But I recognize Elizabeth Bennet as a wonderful, articulate woman. It seems to me, though, in her world marriage is the ONLY option whereas Jane’s world seems a millimeter wider.

      • Stephanie says:

        Agree on two points: Jane certainly makes choices out of the norm for women of her time. Also, I’ve never been able to enjoy Little Women either – sort of icky but it’s been too long since I’ve read it to be specific as to why.

  3. Pingback: Writing Under the Influence | Lindsey Crittenden

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